Thursday, January 13, 2011

74*

i am back and i am putting on a happy face...

i've been feeling so much lately... so so so much and of such an array of emotions... 

i had many thoughts of giving up the business... not for the lack of love of photography, but for the lack of clarity and focus to move it in the direction i want it to grow..  i have a big desire to limit the type of photography i offer... i can't really describe it yet... the idea still brewing inside... but i can for sure is that it is love centered.  healing.  and accessible to everyone.  anyways. i'll post about it once i have decided how to explain this vision of mine to the world.

so... the rest of life... yeah... its been hard.  of course, it has been filled with countless blessings and perfectly ordinary wonderful moments... it is life, after all... messy and chaotic and ever changing... that is why this is all so beautiful... its temporary.  everything is constantly changing.  

everything changes... i've tried to hold that in my mind as we deal with the sale of our tucson house.

while, i never believed selling would be easy, i never imagined it would ever be such a heart-wrenching emotionally difficult process.  i realized i can no longer hold any emotional space for this massive issue i have absolutely no control over.  
no control. 
none.  
either buyers want it or not.  what i know is that it is a damn cute house, in a wonderful community, and listed so far below what we bought it for.... and that's all i can do.   

just yesterday, i sat down alone and promised myself to let it go... because everything, every single thing,  i was fretting over, i had no control over.  so i breathed deep and let it go.. 

and know what?   the elephant stepped off of my chest for the first time in months.  

it really was just as simple as that. 

good bye guilt, and shame, and feelings of inadequacy... now i am putting on my happy face because i am enough.  exactly who i am, exactly where i stand.   i am enough.