Sunday, January 10, 2010

28*

tonight-1
how does a mama reconcile with the order of mother nature...
when her sweet innocent child is hurting?
how does she know?
let go?
blindly believe?
when the pure eyes of her babe look into hers for comfort and truth?
how is it that she can whisper "everything will be alright, you are safe"..
into the babe's ears, when she does not know what the future holds?
i swear...
mamas are magic.

she thinks i am magic.
tonight-3
mothering has been the most powerful catalyst in my life. my girls are the only mirror i have ever looked into and seen the truth so clearly... so raw and unedited. mothering quickly brought me to the core of my life's quest... miracles and beauty... and significant circumstances allowed the poignant realization of my abundantly blessed life.

with fresh eyes i view my world.. my world, my life, as "mother"...
renewed appreciation and respect overcome the mundane and overlooked miracles...
the loving and comforting easy smile across her face...
the way her hair gets messy only moments after brushing it...
the sigh that releases as i hold her..
this beauty is not lost on me...
how long does it last?
how long does the sense of wonder and gratitude last after the fear of losing your child passes? if even the likelihood is not there, the fear is. nobody talks about that... at least nobody i know of.
tonight-2
everyday beautiful moments fuel my life.
i document them.
i savour them.

if i had the discipline, i would post about every gorgeous breath i take in on a cold evening walk. the way the morning light shines into my front windows and illuminates my soul in a way nothing else can... how the steam rolling off a cup of tea can take my breath away... i am keenly aware of everyday miracles, yet the sense of wonder is unsurpassed when near tragedy or significant pain has been felt. how can the intensity of gratefulness maintain without the yang to its yin?

that is what is whirling around in my mind... any insight?